Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
