I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
