he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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