david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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