The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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