I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Randomize
