i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
