Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
