Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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