i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
