my mouth tastes like poor choices
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
