Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
