never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Do you remember whose house we're in?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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