Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
