Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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