i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
