just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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