My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
