remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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