thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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