You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
