dude i'm inner monologue high
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
