It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
