I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
