i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I AM VODKA MAN
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I love you. Go after that dick
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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