you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
