he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
