dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Everyone says I win the strip club
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
