Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
