At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
