dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
