it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
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