she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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