I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
