yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
