went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
