If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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