do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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