i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
