Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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