My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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