They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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