Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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