I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
