The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
