You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
