I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
