I'm lost and stupid without you.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
