Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My bed smells like the plague
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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