I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I CAN MOONWALK!
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Randomize
