On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
