Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
