I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
