she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
