I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
