I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
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