Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
