if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
